Shattered Glass

             I am fragile. This statement is probably not shocking for anyone who knows me. I am the girl who will cry when I see puppies or during a romantic movie. I will cry when I get an A on a test, but also if I get a C. However, starting this year at college I thought I was unbreakable. I believed that I was strong in my faith. I thought that nothing would take me away from my love for God and His grace. While my love never completely went away for Christ, it still managed to fade until I cracked. I broke into a million tiny little pieces. I felt like a piece of glass shattering onto the ground making the biggest noise and mess imaginable.

I broke into a million tiny little pieces. 

            Most of you do not know the details of my life this past year, and quite honestly, I would like to keep it that way. I made mistakes. Big mistakes. Regrets? No, I do not believe in regrets. However, I sure did look in the wrong places for satisfaction. I thought that looking to guys for acceptance would be the key to mending the hole of loneliness in my heart. I thought that if I could just find a big group of friends that I would finally be content. I thought that landing new jobs, internships, and other academic opportunities would boost my confidence. As you can most likely imagine, none of these things worked or filled that void. I was still lonely, confused, and begging for love. 

I was still lonely, confused, and begging for love. 

             Yet even among the pain and hurt that I wrestled with continuously this past year, God was incredibly faithful. He did not disown me for my mistakes or love me any less. His love is constant, eternal, and unconditional. Lately, I have been obsessed with the song "Reckless Love" by Cory Asbury. The song is based off of Luke 15. God will leave the ninety-nine to follow one lost sheep. This year, I was that lost sheep. Somehow He found me in the midst of my life crumbling to pieces and wrapped me with His love and grace. I finally feel at peace with my life. I feel like finally my head is clear and my heart is softened. 

This year, I was that lost sheep.

             While this year may not be the best time of my life, this year has been one of tremendous growth. I have learned how to be content with being alone. I learned how to be independent (I do admit that I call my mom to ask silly questions all of the time though). I have learned that having a few close friends will always be a better option than many mediocre ones. I even learned simple things like when I work the best, how I study the most effectively, and even how to balance workouts into my schedule. 

This year has been one of tremendous growth.

               Even as this crazy, messy, and shattered first year of college is coming to an end, my heart is eternally grateful. God puts the wind and the waves into our lives sometimes, but He can also take them away. I am finally in the calm after the storm and I feel so free. I may be fragile and feel broken, but have you ever taken time to look at pieces of shattered glass? They are just as beautiful, pure, and shiny. We are all broken, but we are still gleaming rays of beauty in God's eyes. 

God puts the wind and the waves into our lives sometimes, but He also can take them away.